Who am I? Where am I? What am I?.........

Well, the high of having Colin home quickly morphed into a harsh reality. BABIES ARE TOUGH! I literally feel as if I am walking in a daze. I guess that is what sleep deprivation does to you, right?


So Wednesday we were able to take little guy home, and it was just like how I imagined it. Full of crying, pictures & hugs. We were VERY fortunate to have Colin's primary nurse, Krystal, working that day, so she was able to discharge us that day. With her help, things went sooooo smooth. Krystal did not just become Colin's nurse, she has become our very close friend, and has even offered to come to our house to help with the transition. I am so very thankful that the Lord places wonderful angels like this in our lives for a reason.

Here is Colin saying "see you later!" to his favorite nurse Krystal!

"Hey Mom, don't forget to put back on my oxygen. I still need it!"

So do you want to see how it looks taking home a kid in the NICU? Well, in our case, it looks like this:

Let's see, oxygen tank, check. Pulse oximeter to measure his heart rate & oxygen saturation in his body at all times, check. Over 7 different medicines, check. 2 large boxes of medical equipment to use at home, check. Oh yeah, and baby Colin, check!

And then before we knew it, we were home. Getting adjusted when we got home took up most of the first night. All that equipment and medical stuff was strewn all over our bedroom along with Colin. Being hyperorganized, I had to place most things in zip lock baggies to organize syringes, bottles, tubes, equipment,etc.


Over all the first night was not that rough, as I knew I was going to have to get up every 3 hours to feed Colin through his G-tube. A few feeds were going to require over 4 different medicines and a breathing treatment. And he was going to have to remain attached to tubes & wires at home. But at least he was home and he would probably be relaxed, right? Wrong!


The whole time Colin was in the NICU, he rarely cried. At first, this actually scared me because I thought it might be a sign of developmental delay. But shortly before he came home, signs of his "fighter" personality started to emerge. At first, I thought it was cute. But by Thursday night, small crying fits gave way to long crying fits. 


At first, it would start from 9pm till 12am. He would be super alert, suck on his pacifier like it owed him something, and would become overall agitated and upset. By Friday night, it started at 6pm and went non-stop till 12am. 


Being worried about Colin's health and hoping something was not wrong, we called the hospital, who of course wanted us to err on the side of caution and bring him in. So there we were, right back at the hospital which only a few days earlier I thought I wouldn't have to see for awhile (or at least till his first follow up visit). 


And after waiting for over 2 hours, the sweet ER doctor basically told me that Colin was ok. That is when I lost it. The toll of the past few days & nights caught up with me, and hearing someone tell me that although I was doing a great job, my son would probably still cry, was such a source of relief. At least I knew that I wasn't torturing him in some way by having him cry. Plus, it also showed me that after all this time, I finally had a "normal" baby who cried just like everyone else. 


So here we are back at home. Could it be colic? Could it be him adjusting to our house? Could it be he is going through a growth spurt? Could it be he needs a good poop? Well, it could be all of these things, or none of these things. For now, we just have to be patient and let things progress as they can. 


But the one thing I have learned is that angels are placed in our life for a reason, and after my breakdown in the ER, I quickly learned to call on those angels. So now for the next few days, we will have a little help from these angels so we can sleep, eat and maybe even shower!


If I don't see or talk to you all for the next few weeks (or worse, years!), don't fear. I'm just at home, getting to know my little guy and establishing our routine of feeding, medical issues and therapy. Soon enough we will both emerge from our cocoon and be ready to let the world know we are here to mingle. In the meantime, I'll just keep looking into Colin's eyes to remind myself who I am and why I am here.........